He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize