He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
