using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
