You don't have asthma, your pregnant
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
