Dual....:-)
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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