Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
