whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
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