At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
