i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
