Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
