so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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