I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
