Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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