I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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