Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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