No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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