Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
