I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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