I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
