My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
