yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
