Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
