i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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