Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
