I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
