it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I didn't notice because vodka
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
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