Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
