I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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