I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
