I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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