she looked like the before picture.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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