he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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