if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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