Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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