Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize