i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
