a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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