I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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