That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
