I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
