Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
