Ambien. No doubt about it.
You smell like stripper and shame
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
