My hand turned me down
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
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