I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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