The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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