Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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