I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
