I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
