I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
