Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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