Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Who died my cat blue again?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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