I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
