508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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