omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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