what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
