Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
