Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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