I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
