before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
