in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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