No stitches, just platelets and will power
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He better not be in your backpack
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
