Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
