I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
