i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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