i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
