i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
