God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i now understand why vodka
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
