I'm sorry my penis didn't work
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
