i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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