All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
