the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
