I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
