He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
