there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
