i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I accidentally had phone sex last night
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
