Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
