You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
