it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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