I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Actions speak louder than pants.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
