Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
