i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm both gender and math confused
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
