walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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