I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
