I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
